WHY SHOULD YOU VALUE YOUR CHILD’S HAPPINESS MORE THAN THEIR MARKS?

“FAILURE” this term is such that we all tend to instantly react to it in a negative way. We dread even the idea of failing in our daily lives. Reason being, growing up we have always been taught by the environment and the society around us to always achieve success and this idea that our self-worth is linked with that and even our happiness comes from that is a fairly wrong on. We have been conditioned in a way that it almost becomes impossible for us to accept failures and setbacks. Little do we realize that this type of thinking is extremely toxic to us and we are making our kids fall prey to the same toxicity. Over the years we have observed that it is very common among parents to have expectations for their ward like any other parent in the world would have. Parents are often seen to push their child to be academically great, successful and getting good grades which is really good unless it gets unhealthy and starts affecting a child’s mental health. Fixating on their marks and scores shouldn’t get to a point where it hinders their happiness.

The predominance of exam-based assessment being practiced over the schooling years encourages parents to focus on marks and grades as an ultimate metric for a child’s intelligence and values from such an early age. But it is important for parents to realize that they need to cut some slack for their child as academic pressure can heavily impact their growth and their performance. In this world of increased competition and excellence, having expectations from your kids is fine but those expectations should most definitely be reasonable enough. Today in this article we will be talking about the negative effects of prioritizing marks over your child’s happiness following some tips and tricks to avoid the same and rather implement a healthy approach towards your toddler.

CONS OF FOCUSING OR GIVING MORE IMPORTANCE TO MARKS:

LOWER SELF ESTEEM:

Kids having parents who constantly pressurize them to score good marks are often found to have lower self-esteem. This affects them later in their growing years as well. Such kids tend to underestimate themselves way more than they should and cannot perform better even though they might possess the ability to do so. Rather, they constantly develop the habit of doubting themselves regarding everything they do or wish to do. It can have a very negative impact on a child as it affects their confidence level and it has also proven to be very damaging to them growing up.

AFFECTS THEIR MENTAL HEALTH:

Kids are also found to have severe effects on their mental health because of constant nagging from the parents’ side. They develop extremely low coping skills and are prone to face acute stress in their life which might also lead to serious mental illness such as generalized anxiety disorder or clinical depression. When a child does not get that warmth and support from a parent, they often feel like a failure and that kills the zeal for doing anything productive in life. As a parent, you would never wish to see your child struggling like this.

DEVELOPS RESENTMENT:

After a certain point, children are also found to start maintaining a distance from strict parents as with time they don’t feel that attachment towards parents anymore. Chances are they might start hiding their grades from you and be more scared of you than they should originally be. They might also stop trusting you with their secrets and nothing is as bad as the fact that a child cannot look up to a parent when they get into some sort of crisis. Thus, it is extremely important to focus on these concerns and act accordingly.

SO THEN, WHAT CAN BE DONE FROM MY END AS A PARENT TO AVOID THESE CONSEQUENCES?

It is crucial to understand that every child is unique and you cannot and should not even expect everyone to perform equally. In the growing years grades are barely a reflection of a child’s intellect and parents are encouraged to give less importance to marks and rather focus on your child and their happiness and instilling good values in them. Below we are mentioning a few ways to be a more supportive parent to your child which will help you bond with them and avoid the above-mentioned cons.

NORMALISE FAILURE:

From an early age it is advisable for parents to instill the right values in their child. Being a supportive parent means making them understand that it is completely okay to fail and help them embrace their failures with grace. A parent should teach their kids to learn from their failures and mistakes as this will have a more positive impact and maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. Remember, explaining softly and with care has more impact than doing otherwise.

DON’T EMPHASISE WINNING:

Your actions matter more than you think in front of your kids. We have seen kids forming a wrong conception that marks are everything that will make their parents happy and this usually happens when parents are found to emphasize winning more than anything. You as a parent should make sure that you make your child understand that winning is good but not necessary all the time and that it is okay if they cannot achieve something or live up to your expectation at times.

ENCOURAGE:

Showing kindness and encouragement is literally the least you could do for your kids. Parents should take care that they are encouraging enough to their child and this can be done by helping weak students with their homework, meeting their teachers more often, talking to them about what is bothering them. This will provide your child with a sense of comfort and safe space and open the gates to talk about their internal struggles if they are facing any as children at a young age are more sensitive and proper care is required from parents.

DON’T CRITICISE:

A sure fire way to hurt your child’s self-esteem is by pointing out their weaknesses and flaws at every chance you get and this can get very damaging for them. Instead, help your child come up with ways to solve their problems and let them know that you are proud of their efforts. Avoid comparing them with other kids. Rather, hold their hand and let them know that you are going to stick beside them regardless of their academic performance.

Remember, being average in academics does not make your child less worthy than others. More than marks, it is important to shape them to be a better human being in this world. Because it was once said that “When given a choice between being right or being kind, choose kind — Movie: “Pursuit of happyness” Mould your child to be a kind and valuing person in this world more than you expect them to be having right information about things. Marks are rarely the correct criteria to judge your kids’ worth on. Because at the end of the day, you are respected more for how you are as a person and not on the basis of how well you scored in your school.

By: Drashti Shah

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